Kinda Funny

"Real Notes to British Milkmen": * Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one. * Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk. * Cancel one pint after the day after today. * Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it. * Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk. * Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today. * Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole. * Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks. * Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round. * When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress. * Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last night's Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea. * My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle? * Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me. * Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant. Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it. * From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk. * My back door is open. Please put milk in fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight. * Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday. * When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. * No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice. [Note - yet another anonymous piece circulating for a while now - ed.]

From: anonymous "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, The Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, and Germany doesn't want to go to war. -Author Unknown

It's become almost routine for members of the American press to throw dumb or leading questions at members of the Bush administration. Maybe that's one of the reasons why Secretary of State Colin Powell seemed so well prepared for the shifty question recently hurled at him by an Iraqi reporter. According to the New York Post, one of Saddam's newshounds asked Powell, "Isn't it true that only 13% of young Americans can locate Iraq on a map?" "That may be true," Powell countered. "You're probably right. But unfortunately for you, all 13% are Marines." [Note - funny, but never happened - ed.]

Don't Mess with Seniors We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously.

"YES!!" ----

"I'll take the special."

"How do you want your eggs?"

"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS. We've been around the block more than once.

I got this from Traci Smith

First Edited: 28 March 2003 Last Edited: 05 January 2006 - by Wendell